I was talking with one of my nephew’s friends recently (he’s 22), and while covering the latest crazy crap going on in the world and our lives, (mainly his), it occurred to me, that we were griping about stuff as if it was completely out of the ordinary and unexpected, of mysterious origin, so to speak.

Which is strange, I mean why do we think we should just coast through life without any issues?  It’s not like we are taught that in school. Or anywhere.

Why do we hold the general entitled attitude that everything should be easy? I do not know where this comes from. Because not much worth having is ever easy.

After I got home, I was still thinking about it, although by then it had turned to – was I a hypocrite?

Here I was rolling through life thinking that I was not entitled to much, but it turns out, I am. Especially about a fundamental thing in life. Like I should just always have ease and flow in every area of my life.

Is having a general understanding and expectation that everything will be OK, or outstanding, in direct conflict with the realism of actual life?

Does that make me delusional? I honestly do not know. How does this viewpoint intersect with the law of attraction etc.?

I used to say, “hope for the best, expect the worst.” But what does that really mean, besides an attempt at depth? Hope everything is good, but expect it to be shit?

Doesn’t that void itself out? You may as well just think nothing. Keep your thoughts a blank slate. But that’s almost impossible too.

Our brains are always thinking, I like the Buddhist description of a monkey mind, with our thoughts leaping around like monkeys from tree to tree is accurate. And along with that, I think they are onto something with the goal of staying in the present moment to minimize the leaping thoughts, this also resonates with me.

There always seems to be something going on in your head. Personally, it hasn’t been until the last few years, that I’ve really started making a solid effort to control my own mind. Working on being placid and calm.

Easy Way Out of Thinking

Sure, in the past, I would try for a hot minute, then decide that getting drunk or high was the easier way to remove myself from unwanted thoughts. Which, as an adult who’s ever gotten drunk or stoned on the regular and had an iota of self-awareness knows, those unwanted thoughts don’t magically disappear, in fact, they just wait on the edges and flood back in as soon as they get the chance.

The only way out is through.

Fact is, you can’t run away from yourself. You can only develop some sort of unhealthy addiction. Looking around me at those within my social circles (and observing my own self throughout the years) I see this as a huge reason a lot of people end up addicted to various things. – Obviously, there are other reasons people end up addicted, I’m only talking about this one.

I had to learn new ways of processing and dealing with myself. Excessive drinking was a vicious cycle of ugly thoughts and uncomfortable feelings pinging around my head, things I did not know how to deal with, so I’d just have a few drinks because that always made me feel better, more confident and in control (for a hot second before the messy drunk stepped in), followed by shame and hangovers, (I honestly don’t know which one was worse), and beating myself up about whatever I did or said that I perceived to be so unacceptable while I was drunk, plus the weight of the original thoughts still festering…rinse and repeat, around and around it went.

I realized I had to stop this behavior. I was beginning to not like myself.

Taking Control

First, I just sat with the unwanted thoughts, I let them wash over me like a wave of dark, suffocating water, pushing me down and gripping my throat and stomach. Then, breathing. Letting those thoughts go, all of them. I started to understand myself better, it’s amazing what comes up when you let it.

I am aware that I hold conflicting views of life and my place in it. And that’s ok. First, there is the thought that I control my own destiny, with my attitude and thoughts, I control the impact I let things have on me, and I control whether I will let my salty mood overshadow my whole day or night.

But then I don’t control what other people do, or the events of the world, again, I only control their effect on me. I also don’t control the fact that gas and food are suddenly so much more expensive, and my pay hasn’t increased as quickly.

I have to remind myself that I also have a lot of good things going for me as well. It’s impressive how our ego-self generally chooses to see the worst in everything and everyone, that watchdog seldom takes a day off.

But it is achievable, and I’ve found if you get curious about what’s affecting you – not in the “why me?” pity fest, but more the “what is the truth here?” or “why am I so triggered by this?” direction, it really helps.

It’s almost impossible to be negative and curious. The takeaway here? Stay curious my friends!

You are in control of yourself!