Now that I have walked the earth long enough to have lived several different lives and experienced multiple lifestyles, (along with my strong self-evaluation streak) I have an irrefutable perspective on prioritizing happiness over mere survival. I don’t know whether I’m proud or embarrassed to admit it has taken me decades to realize that mere survival is doing the bare minimum for myself while simultaneously giving myself a hard time about half-assing it in so many areas of life. I’ve learned that the key to a fulfilling existence lies in doing the things I hate the least. And then actually doing it. Regularly.
Yes, of course, I knew the things I should have been doing, because, don’t we all, but it was the implementation of said things into my day-to-day life that was challenging. Til one day it hit me that while I despised the idea of working out, eating nutritious food, getting up early to have some quiet productive time, sitting still and meditating twice a day, or getting enough sleep, I’ve discovered that I hate the discomfort of neglecting my health and well being much much more than the temporary agony of the perceived terrible task.
This I know from years of experience of not prioritizing my health, diet, and general well-being, and suffering because of it, thinking I could just power through, and will myself to keep going, etc, until I would be immobilized by my body forcing me to take notice. Stuff like migraines, and IBS symptoms will get your attention for sure. This realization has become the cornerstone of my philosophy: choosing to do the things I hate the least is the best way for me to approach a healthy life.
Randomly, why are we so resistant to doing anything good for ourselves?
I’ll be the first to admit it – I hate working out. However, as I continue to keep living, I’ve come to the stark realization that I hate the consequences of not working out even more. The sluggishness, the discomfort in my skin, not trusting my own body, and feeling weak, fragile, stiff, and sore for no reason when I wake up in the morning are feelings I hate even more. And I’m not prepared to just blow it off with a “well that’s just how it is” + medication. I cannot deny that when I work out, my body just feels better, it feels happy, flexible, and strong, which in turn lifts my mood and energy. Turns out you have to work for a reward…
The same goes for eating; I would love to just eat pizza, cake, ice cream, chips, crackers, and other highly processed food-like products because they’re so easy and of course delicious for the two minutes you eat it. And I don’t have to think. Except I hate the way I feel when I eat that stuff, I hate that they are so calorie-dense but not at all satisfying, and it often means I can’t go too far from a bathroom after indulging. Or end up with headaches and rocks in my guts, or at the least just an overwhelming feeling of ick.
By contrast, even though I hate that vegetables and nutritious foods take so much time to prepare, I make an effort to pay attention to my diet and eat accordingly, because I feel so much better when I do, it’s that simple. My body is happier, my head is clear, I have better energy and the payoff is pretty much immediate.
I also used to hate that I continually felt rushed and time-pressured, trying to work part-time (from home thankfully) along with holding down a full-time job, being the main caregiver and transporter of our child, taking care of the house, the pets, bills, appointments, etc. I would stay up late trying to fit it all in, seldom getting enough sleep just so I could do it all again the following day. I would fall into bed exhausted and stressed and I hated that I was continually interrupted and delayed, feeling like I was prioritizing everyone else when it came to time management. I could never get my head around prioritizing enough quiet time to make a difference in my own life, my cup was constantly empty or very close to it. Desperate, I searched for alternatives, I mean we’ve all got the same 24 hours in a day, how are other people so productive? What was my problem? When I started reading (listening actually – yay audible!) about the habits of high-functioning successful people, looking for the secret hack as to how they could fit it all in, a common factor I could not ignore was that they all get up at around 4:30 – 5:00 am every day. I thought that was insanity and could not possibly imagine being that disciplined.
But I kept hearing it and I knew I enjoyed the few minutes I had to myself in the mornings before the day got started, while the house was quiet. So I began to set my alarm clock 10 minutes earlier, which I hated at first, and it took me close to a year of setting it progressively earlier to get to the point where I get up just before 5:00 am, at least five days per week. I still low-key hate it, but y’all it makes such a difference to my head space and productivity, I cannot deny the wisdom of doing it. You can bet on the weekends I truly enjoy my weekend sleep-in. So much so, that sometimes I’ll even get up and get a glass of water or something at the regular five-day-a-week time just so I can go back to bed and sleep for another couple of hours – it feels so decadent and fills my cup.
This had the ripple effect of realizing I had to go to bed earlier too. Again, I’m almost embarrassed to admit I was still going to bed too late while training myself to wake up earlier, thereby really only just training myself to get by in life being semi-exhausted at all times – because five hours sleep a night is not sustainable, no matter what we tell ourselves. (Mom’s I’m looking at you.) Still suffering the occasional complete body shutdown, I gradually understood that I simply needed more sleep.
I’ve come to realize one of the secrets to successfully incorporating activities I dislike into my life is to make them part of my routine, just kind of sneak it in til it becomes a habit, I had to be cool with taking a few minutes a day to stretch or do ten push-ups, and once that became automatic (the habit), I made it longer. Extending the time I worked out was not as difficult as making it routine – we all know how easy it is to put something off until later, tomorrow, next week, or the magical “sometime in the future”, which never comes. It is the routine that helps me overcome the initial resistance, making it easier to stick to my commitment. Permitting myself to only spend 10 or 15 minutes doing it on the days when I don’t feel like doing it at all, has helped keep the habit too.
It took me a while, but I’ve learned to embrace the suck. Whether it’s exercising, taking time to plan a meal, getting into bed before 10 pm, meditating, or any one of the other things I hate, I’ve discovered that the sense of accomplishment makes it all worthwhile on a deeper level. It’s not just about enduring the thing but relishing the positive impact it has on my mental, emotional, and physical well-being. I’ve also found that approaching tasks with a positive mindset significantly enhances the experience too. The key is to focus on the outcome and the benefits rather than dwelling on the initial aversion to said task.
Prioritizing activities that I hate the least has had a profound impact on my mental health. The release of endorphins during exercise, the sense of accomplishment from completing tasks, and the overall improvement in well-being have contributed to my positive mindset. This ripple extends beyond the specific activities, influencing how I approach challenges and setbacks in various aspects of life.
Because it turns out that each activity, no matter how small, contributes to the masterpiece of a life well-lived. And masterpiece is my goal.
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