Sister, or threat?

I’ve lived for a while now, and I can’t help but notice that so many women approach other women from one of two viewpoints: they are either a sister or a threat.

Sometimes sisters are treated like threats, but overall if another woman thinks you are a sister, it’s a good thing. They are open and receptive if they think you are a threat. However, they are just awful. Catty, bitchy, and mean, even going out of their way to bully and disparage other women. Usually behind their backs.

This seems to stem from childhood. A lot of girls are raised to be very competitive and jealous. Beliefs instilled from a young age that no other girl or woman is to be trusted or allowed to have positive attention, so you better take them down before they take something from you (and the something is usually as intangible as attention or friendship).

These lessons and beliefs are taught through behavior, many girls see their mothers drag down other women constantly, so of course, this is normal for them; seldom does it seem that a girl will stop and question all the negativity piled in another’s direction. Generational toxicity continues unchecked.

This female threat mentality seems to rear its ugly head around middle school as kids start to come into their own. It grows progressively worse if left unchecked by self-evaluation throughout high school and university. And then on, into adulthood.

For the record, nobody ever thinks one person being horrible to another is attractive or funny. Most of the time, incessant backstabbing and smack talking about another person’s perceived imperfections or shortcomings only serves to distance those they are trying to influence.

I’ve recently read some great clap backs from famous women when the social media cheap seats or paparazzi try to encourage division or competition between two women, and they immediately shut them down with a refusal to participate in societal norms established by the patriarchy, calling it out for what it is, a misguided attempt to keep women down, catfighting and wasting time with negativity and division. I applaud them for speaking out and speaking up. Life isn’t a competition, people.

I believe that a high tide lifts all boats, meaning when one wins, we all win. Opening the doors of possibility for all women and daughters watching, expanding thoughts, and inspiring action. We are so much more powerful when unified, not divided. And we seem to have arrived at a point in time when we need to make the conscious decision to stand together as women. For all women.

So, let’s do better, let’s be supportive, and if we can’t be supportive, be silent. I must believe we are all doing the best we can with what we have. And you don’t know what anyone is dealing with. Ever.

Women hold up half the sky and can be a force for good when unified.

Let’s be unified. Let’s start today by catching ourselves and our thoughts. Let’s be nice to each other.

It’s Ok to offer a compliment or speak kindly to one another. A candle does not grow dimmer by lighting another candle. Remember that.