I’ve noticed something recently that I find touching. Maybe it has always been around, but I’ve never noticed, which is usually the way isn’t it? So many things exist and because they aren’t on our radar, the situation doesn’t exist.
Anyway, it’s the occurrence of men moving their moms in with them.
It’s not a case of them never leaving home and still living with their mamas, these guys have lived and married or been engaged and divorced or broken up and as they’ve witnessed their mom’s progression into maturity or health challenges, decided the best way to make sure they are cared for is to have them live with them as roommates.
And before anyone flips out about people taking financial advantage of their family, can we just remember that terrible things make it to the news cycle because they are so random? Regular people living regular lives with love and concern for their families is not newsworthy.
If I had the means and we lived in the same country, I do not know if I could step up and have my mother live under my roof. I would like to think I would ensure she was taken care of if I had the financial capability, but I do not think residing under the same roof would be a constructive or smart move on my part.
Take from that what you will, but my mother was never my best friend, never my champion, and I am still subject to her verbal barrages whenever she decides that I deserve it, so no thank you. My home is my sanctuary. Not the place I am belittled and criticized, and I will not be inviting someone into it who does that on the regular and thinks nothing of it.
I recently dated someone for a hot minute and was impressed when one of the first things he mentioned was that his mom lived with him, which I was cool with, as my ex-husband and I still co-habitat 3 days a week – everyone’s living situations are different, I get that, and after covid, we all need to live the way we feel is right for us and our families. He had moved her in after her husband had passed away and he felt that other family members were taking advantage of her in the city she was in. They shared a townhouse together, she was downstairs, he was upstairs, he cooked for them most nights and they both lived their own lives. Props bro.
One of our neighbors also has his mom living with him, he is a Twitch Streamer (gamer) with his own YouTube channel, who delivers Uber eats on the side and decided the best way to make sure his mom was taken care of after her husband also passed was to move her in with him. He had recently separated from his wife and it just made sense. He even bought a house that would work for that purpose. (Hence their arrival on our street).
In talking to someone at work about this, she mentioned a guy from her church whose wife had left him with three little kids at about the same time as his mom was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes, so she came to live with them. It was a win-win all around. The grandkids get to be with granny a whole lot more, she is on top of her self-care, and he kept his job without going broke paying for childcare.
I’ve since learned of a few other men, who also moved their mothers in with them for various reasons. I even know someone who had his Grandmother live with him in the last years of her life (although I didn’t actually know that about him until we were discussing this). I don’t know why they are somewhat sheepish about it. These are successful people and there’s nothing wrong with taking care of your mother or grandmother. I don’t know why they feel so worried about being judged for it. Sure, maybe when you’re young and ego-driven it can be considered…uncool? Giving mama’s boy vibes, but seriously, if you have a healthy relationship, why not?
What, they don’t want people to know they care about their moms or grandmothers? And especially at this point in life, aren’t we beyond caring what people we don’t know think of us and our living situation anyway?
I think that it is amazing, that in our crazy world people still love and care for each other a whole lot and it speaks volumes of someone’s character and integrity.
Life does not often turn out the way we had envisioned for ourselves and when it comes down to it, it’s the strength of the connections you have with family and people you love that means the most. And if, as adults, we choose to return to living with family, I think that is something to be celebrated.
It works for almost every other culture in the world, so why not ours?
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