We live in a youth and beauty-focused culture. We have been brainwashed by advertising (mainly) and TV to value youth over substance. When you name it, it sounds so strange. That our western culture holds such superficiality to be the pinnacle of admiration and adoration.

Imagine if aliens landed tomorrow and were curious about our culture and the people we follow and look up to…the conversation (in my mind) would go like this:

Alien: “Show us the most popular citizens of your world”

Us: “Well, there’s all these people whose lives we follow in the media.”

Aliens: “What do they do?”

Us: “Some of them are entertainers, others are sportspeople, some are models, some have great lives they post on social media, they are beautiful.”

Aliens: “Do they advance the intelligence or wellbeing of your world with their contribution?”

Us: “Well…They are good-looking and very rich. Some are good at sports.”

Aliens: “So, do they share their wealth?”

Us: “Uuhh, not really, but they are attractive. And one is now dating this other one.”

Aliens: “What about the others? Where are your elders and the ones who hold wisdom?”

Us: …

Awkward.

As popular as beauty is in youth; fresh, supple, energized, there is also inexperience and dare I say it…stupidity. I’ve always thought we are so good-looking when we are young because we are so stupid…there is so much we don’t know and so much yet to learn…mainly through trial and error. We do our youth a huge disservice by worshipping them solely because they look good. It’s a missed opportunity to offer support and wisdom, guidance, and support. To encourage substance over looks. To be good humans.

As a makeup artist, I saw firsthand so many mature women who were shallow, insecure, and mean, looking for the next miracle cream or makeup technique to erase the beauty of their years. Forgetting that they had enjoyed rich and full lives, raised children and cultivated strong and lasting relationships because the most important thing to them was what age they could pass for.

And I get it. As my marriage dissolved, it became painfully apparent that my husband did not want to spend time with me anymore, he wanted to hang out with the women he worked with who were all at least 10 years younger than him. As I could see this happening, I went through the whole range of insecure emotions and thoughts, I felt irrelevant and used up like I had literally wasted the “best” years of my life (my 30s and half of my 40s) on thinking this guy was “my human” and that we would grow old together.

Ha. Turns out I was the only one thinking that. Ouch.

It was an awful feeling, that lasted for a while until I came to the revelation that my life had been awesome, and I had nothing to be ashamed of. There was nothing I would have changed (except, you know, bought Amazon stock in 2007) and I understood that the feelings of inadequacy were not really mine, they were pressed upon me by our very culture, other women, and the media in very subtle, insidious ways…a comment here, a remark there, listening to their own laments of lost looks and a “better time”, and I came to realize that I do not want to go back, I do not want to be younger again. I like where I am thanks.

Sure, it was great (as in I had fewer wrinkles and plenty of energy) but I had no idea what I was doing, or where I was going, how I would get there, what I wanted, or how I would get it, I was desperate to fit in and I did not know myself very well. I was like a small bird in the wind, furiously flapping my wings and not getting very far and then a big gust would blow me off course, and I would be furiously flapping again, spending a lot of energy to get minimal results.

I am just leaving my 40s now, and I have never felt surer of myself and my abilities. I am happy to let the superficialities of earlier phases go. I will not let others’ perceptions of how they think things should be at various markers in life affect me, because they are exactly that, other people’s perceptions.

I am happy to be at a place where I am secure and content. My body is amazing and has done incredible things. Most of all, growing and giving birth to another human. Whoa. Childbirth really is the original miracle and the whole reason we are here in the first place. I view my body now as a faithful friend that just keeps going, day after day, year after year. I cherish it and look after it.

Emotionally I am strong and resilient, I can do hard things. To me, a person’s beauty is based on their inner light, their personality, and their character. How they bounced back from heartbreak and learned from adversity, the realness of life. Youth fades. It’s time we honor our depth and strength, not our reflection.

Perspective and time change everything, and as I enter this season of my life, I am happy to do so. My body holds all sorts of wisdom, as do all of ours. I am happy to listen and honor myself. I am under no obligation to make sense or prove myself to anyone else.

So, let’s do the youth in our lives a favor, let’s teach them that everybody is beautiful. Everybody. Let’s offer strength and embody that for our younger generations, so we can light their paths for them and teach them to see the value in being good humans.

Because the world always needs good humans.