There is a popular song that’s been remade a few times called Life Is A Highway, and I agree with the road analogy, but actually, I think life is more of a bus ride.

When I was a teen, I loved talking to people, my friends mainly,  sitting somewhere at night watching the sky and having detailed conversations about all the big stuff. What made people act the way they did, the moon, the stars, the universe, and how we fit in, what our purpose was, what we would do if we ruled the world – all the deep and meaningful stuff.

Usually, we would climb to a rooftop somewhere to do so. It used to be our garage roof in high school, then once I moved to the city it was the rooftops of the old buildings I lived in or the tops of hills or cliffs with friends. 

One popular topic of discussion was how people end up stopping at a particular point in life, and never venturing any further. Their personal style, hair, clothing, jewelry, makeup, speech, viewpoints, and musical tastes are frozen in time. With absolutely no desire to move beyond that into anything else. 

I always thought it was so strange, that someone would willingly arrive at a point in life where they thought (either consciously or unconsciously) “This is it, I’m good, this is the coolest, most amazing thing of anything that ever will be, and I’m stopping here. This is where I am comfortable. Not interested in seeing what else is out there. This is it.” 

This is where the bus analogy comes in. My predominant theory is that life is a lot like riding a bus to some unknown destination, a little bit exciting and a little bit terrifying, while also being a little bit boring and trivial, wondering if you are ever going to get there. Where ever there is. But there are plenty of bus stops along the way and you can get off any time you like. 

Get off, take a walk around, try on the clothes, and ideas, listen to the music, hang out with the other people who got off at that stop, talk to the people who are already there, follow the thought leaders, and you can stay off the bus for as long as you like. Then, when you’re curious about what’s down the road, you just get back on the bus and keep going until there’s another stop that you’re interested in checking out. 

Thing is, a lot of people never get back on the bus. 

It’s like they have forgotten there even is a bus and you can just get back on whenever you want. All they have to do is remember.

Or maybe they just really found themselves in that particular stop and had the best time or met their spouse or tribe during that time, maybe it was where they experienced massive success or a whole host of other reasons. 

I don’t know, I have stopped trying to figure other people out, I can barely figure myself out sometimes. All I know is that people are going to do whatever they want. And they are not going to do what they don’t want.

The bus itself is also variable, sometimes it’s a luxury coach with stereo sound, and other times it’s a standing-room-only last shuttle to the parking garage. Sometimes it’s a ride on a sunny day through beautiful scenery with an informative guide, other times it’s a dark and scary night ride through a thunderstorm, in a bus where the lights don’t work, and you only catch glimpses of your fellow passengers when the lightning flashes.

Then there are the people who get on the bus physically, but mentally and emotionally they are still at the last stop. Or the one before that. Mindlessly going through the motions because someone else made them do it. 

I long ago gave up trying to make people see and understand things they clearly did not want to. Or didn’t even think of trying to convince others of the value of getting back on the bus, which is a fruitless and disappointing activity. 

It also took me years to realize that if you make a friend on the bus or at one of the stops along the way, either platonic or romantic, and you spend a lot of time together, they may not want to continue the journey with you. This can be heartbreaking and inspires all the inspirational quotes about people being with you for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Although now I do not take it personally when people do not want to get back on the bus with me. That’s fine, but I’m going, I have spent a massive amount of time altering my journey for others, and even if it is fun for a while, I tell myself it’s what I want. Eventually, though, it is not a satisfying feeling. Realizing that just because you change your life for someone, does not mean they will automatically change their life for you. No matter what they tell you.

Because let’s face it, most people seldom see the bigger picture. I feel like I have done my share of giving of myself to inspire intimate partners. Most recently I even had one angry at me for just wanting to jump on the bus, discovered I had “forced” him onto it a few times when he was not ready.  Apparently, he views part of our time together as terrible because we just got on the bus with no clear idea of what was going to happen– Ummm, wasn’t that the whole point? Isn’t life about having all sorts of experiences?

I was also confused, as we had made that particular plan together. In fact, it had originally been his idea. Also came to find out, he has to know exactly where the bus is going and what the weather is and the road conditions, and who is on the bus, along with exactly what will happen when he gets off the bus. 

I may have argued with him about that previously in life, but now, I see there is no point. 

I’m now looking for people already getting on and off the bus of their own free will. Checking it out, being curious, and doing the work. 

I am no longer available for trying to bring others up to my level or open their eyes to new experiences and possibilities at the next stop. Even if you are not “dragged down” to someone else’s limited thought level, inevitably you end up in a holding pattern, detrimental only to yourself. I realize this may mean I ride the bus alone for a long time, and I am genuinely OK with that. 

I have spent years pouring into others, and now it’s time I pour into myself. So here I go, waiting at the bus stop, for the next bus to come along, excited for the journey. 

I am hoping for a luxury coach.