Open Letter to Married Women.

Dear Married Women in general,

I see you checking me out and judging me before I even open my mouth, the “single” woman in the room, more so than your husbands do. And I feel it’s time to set the record straight.

It’s blatantly obvious there are a few things you are missing as you cast judgment and evil vibes from your secure, committed relationships. Or at least that’s what it appears to be from the outside, with your carefully curated social media presence, your picture-perfect family meals, and your perfectly decorated home. 

The first (and biggest one) for you to keep front and center, is that just because I am divorced, it doesn’t mean I want your husband. I’m sure you know someone who knows someone whose neighbor’s cousin’s best friend did exactly that – got divorced and went gunning for someone else’s husband. Like he was the innocent in the scenario. News Flash: it takes two to have an affair. But really, think of all the divorced people you actually know. I think you’ll find that in real life, that’s just not true. 

I’ll let you in on a secret too, I’m thinking I don’t want a husband again, for quite some time. And I am not looking to steal yours, that’s for sure. What makes yours so special? Honestly, I don’t even know why you want your husband, why would I want him? 

What makes you think that someone still dealing with all the emotional baggage that comes along with divorce and usually children want more?

And to steal someone else’s man who in turn would have a whole truckload of emotional baggage to deal with.

Are you out of your freaking mind? 

Think about this too, think honestly about how hard it is to carry the emotional and mental load of the family and how often your husband fucks shit up. And you have to deal with it, fix it and sort it out again. Usually just because they do not listen to you.  You don’t have to admit it to anyone, but you know it’s true, that shit is tiring. I’m freaking happy to be done with it. Believe me when I tell you from the bottom of my heart. Fuck. That. Shit.

Secondly, it is quite possible for a single woman to have friends who are married. Just because you attach all sorts of whack-a-doodle ideas to your interpretation of that, does not make it true. Again, I think you miss the obvious fact that just because that is the way you or your other married friends would act if you were divorced, not every divorced woman is trying to “snag” another husband. 

Lucky for you, you haven’t yet discovered just how devastating it can be to realize you are, in fact, surrounded by crappy humans with shitty values. Don’t think that your carefully laid plans are infallible either, because they are not. We’ve all heard about people quiet quitting their jobs, well, there is quiet quitting on a marriage too. Pray you never learn about that one. 

This leads me to my next question, do you really not trust each other that much? Are you so insecure together after how many years, that you automatically assume he’s going to run off with another woman? Because you’re friendly to her? at church???

And another question: what sort of relationship do you actually have? Is your connection so tenuous that it can be severed by just talking to someone else? Do you have no depth or communication? No trust? Or do you think that being nice = automatic sex?

Because if so, you need to get a grip on reality.

If you really are so insecure, maybe instead of locking down and controlling your husband’s perceived threats, and sending division and hate into the world, maybe you should spend that energy actually pouring into your own self and relationship. Just an idea. 

Anyway, I’d like to say thank you,  it’s people like you that make me appreciate being single. 

Thank you also, for making me the outcast, because I have used that time to dive even deeper into the amazing glorious person I am. I can learn and do the things I want, fully cognizant that my success or failure is entirely up to me.

I am in charge of myself, and sure sometimes it would be good to have someone to hang out with, but I am personally more satisfied than I have ever been. 

And I wouldn’t change that for the world.