I’ve found over time that a good way to feel like you are part of a community (especially in the South) and connect with Spirit is to go to a church. – Or so I thought. Upon reflection, however, that is not entirely true. A middle-aged woman attending church by herself may as well be invisible.

Since arriving here in 2019, I have been going to church with my ex-husband’s brother and his wife, which has been a great way to see them regularly and get to know this big church; it is a pillar of the community with a Boy Scout Troop based there (which my son attended for a couple of years) and a great kids ministry and some exciting women’s groups as well. 

They also have a great band.

The Pastor seems nice enough. Although I think he’s spoken to me maybe once, he has no idea who I am. He doesn’t recognize me as a regular churchgoer. When I say hello on a random Sunday morning, he is out mingling with his attendees. There is no recognition on his face when he sees me, or I say hello – he is never the one to say hello first. You tend to notice these things.

Where we lived previously, at the bottom of South Carolina, we (my son and I) attended a Community Church, which was excellent, the Pastor there had a great way of interpreting the bible, and his sermons were relatable and interesting. He used to make a point of saying hello to everyone, getting himself a coffee right along with everyone else in the morning. I used to love sitting in the dark and listening to his sermons as he took a deep dive into the universal themes; I would imagine it was like sitting in the temple listening to the educated speak to the masses. I always left with a fulfilled sense of peace and would find myself thinking about the themes he bought up in the following days.

Not this guy; he is a good old boy at heart and never really follows anything through. Often he gets started on a reading and then “let’s stand,” and onto something else; I am often left with, “is he coming back to finish what he started saying about this?” the answer is No.

And he is also the type of guy who puts others down around him to connect or get a laugh out of his parishioners. (I don’t know why he does it; it seems unnecessary.)

I don’t like hearing anyone mock others for a cheap laugh, let alone people who should know better, so even though he doesn’t do it constantly, there is usually at least one time during a sermon he will say something disparaging about one of his junior pastors or band members or some other person not there or able to defend themselves. Just one of those throw-away remarks that point out how stupid someone is because apparently, no one can actually be human around him. This sends the message to his entire congregation that it is OK to mock someone because they don’t see things or do things the way you do. I’m not cool with that.

In turn, his congregation is very superficial; I always feel like a visitor. And this summer, I’ve become that. A random visitor. Sick of forcing myself to go. Leftover Catholic girl obedience, I guess, because I am not getting anything out of it. I don’t feel like I fit there.

And I think you should get something out of attending church. At least a sense of peace.

So, I am shopping for a new church, as I mentioned, and hey, it’s the South, so there are plenty to choose from…

Wish me luck.