I was talking with one of my nephew’s friends recently (he’s 22), and while discussing the latest crazy crap going on in the world and our lives, (mainly his), it occurred to me, that we were griping about stuff as if it was completely out of the ordinary, unexpected, and of mysterious origin, so to speak.
Which is strange, why do we think we should just coast through life without any issues? It’s not like we are taught that in school. Or anywhere.
Why do we hold the general entitled attitude that everything should be easy? I do not know where this comes from. Because not much worth having is ever easy.
After I got home, I was still thinking about it, more importantly, was I a hypocrite?
Here I was rolling through life thinking that I was not entitled about much, but it turns out, I am. Especially about a fundamental thing in life. Like I should just always have ease and flow in every area of my life.
Is having a general understanding and expectation that everything will be OK, if not outstanding in direct conflict with the realism of life? Or just life as I perceive it? Does that make me delusional?
I honestly do not know. How does this viewpoint intersect with the law of attraction etc.?
I used to say, “hope for the best, expect the worst.” But what does that mean, besides an attempt at depth?
Hope everything is good, but expect it to be shit? Doesn’t that void itself out? You may as well just think nothing. Keep your thoughts a blank slate. But that’s almost impossible too.
Our brains are always thinking. There always seems to be something going on in your head.
The Buddhist explanation of the monkey mind, with our thoughts leaping around like monkeys from tree to tree, resonates with me. And along with that, I think they are onto something with the goal of staying in the present moment to minimize said leaping thoughts, as we only get caught up and upset if we spend too much time thinking about what has been or what we anticipate is coming.
It hasn’t been until the last decade or so in my life, that I’ve really started making a solid effort to control my own mind. Working on being placid and calm. Sure, in the past, I would try for a hot minute, then decide that getting drunk or high was the easier way to remove myself from unwanted thoughts. Which, as an adult who’s ever gotten drunk or stoned on the regular and had an iota of self-awareness knows, those unwanted thoughts don’t magically disappear, in fact, they just wait and flood back in as soon as they get the chance. Like everything, the only way out is through.
Fact is, you can’t run away from yourself. You can only develop some sort of unhealthy addiction. Looking around me (and observing myself throughout the years) I see this as a huge reason a lot of people end up addicted to various things, mainly alcohol. Obviously, there are also other reasons people end up addicted, I’m only talking about this one.
So, like everything, there is the easy way and then there’s my way. I had to learn new ways of processing and dealing with thoughts and feelings I didn’t like. Excessive drinking was a vicious cycle of ugly thoughts pinging around my head, feelings I did not know how to deal with, and then drunken bouts hoping for escape, followed by shame and hangovers, (I honestly don’t know which one was worse, the shame of trying to escape or the hangover), and beating myself up about whatever I did or said that I perceived to be so unacceptable while I was drunk, plus the weight of the original thoughts still festering…rinse and repeat.
First, I just sat with the unwanted thoughts, I let them wash over me like a wave of dark, suffocating water, pushing me down and gripping my throat and stomach. Then, breathing. Letting those thoughts go, all of them. I started to understand myself better, it’s amazing what comes up when you let it.
I am aware that I hold conflicting views of life and my place in it. First, there is the thought that I control my own destiny, and I think I do, with my attitude and thoughts, I control the effect I let things have on me, and I control whether I will let my salty mood overshadow my whole day or night, but then I don’t control what other people do, or the events of the world, only their effect on me. I also don’t control the fact that gas and food are suddenly so much more expensive, and my pay hasn’t increased as quickly.
So, our monthly mom and son movie date is out. And when we do go, that is so much more expensive than it was too. It’s frustrating and falls into the things-I-can’t-control category. I can only control how I perceive it. Then there is my relationship with my son’s father, his inability to stick to his word or follow through on so many things pisses me off, especially when I see how our son internalizes his father’s actions.
Again, I can only control my reactions. But it’s not something to lose track of, it’s impressive how our human ego self generally chooses to see the worst and be negative, that watchdog can seldom have a day off. But it is achievable, and I’ve found if you get curious about what’s affecting you – not in the “why me?” pity fest, but more the “what is the truth here?” or “why am I so triggered by this?” direction, it really helps. It’s almost impossible to be negative and curious.
The takeaway here?
Stay curious my friends!
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